I remember texting my friend last March saying ‘I’m not worried about getting coronavirus but the thought of being stuck in the flat with my kids for 2 weeks, homeschooling them and trying to do my job, makes me anxious.’
Little did I know!
This year has been so much harder than I ever could have imagined. It’s been a year since I could hug another adult outside of my household. A year since I could visit friends and family, relaxing in their home. A year since I’ve been to church. A year since I could go to the supermarket without worrying about how busy it’s going to be or having to think about a face mask and hand sanitiser.
I have gone from working full time in an office, with little opportunity to work from home, to working from home every day, sitting at the same desk in my bedroom. I’ve faced redundancy and uncertainty all while homeschooling my two children.
I’ve started two new jobs without meeting my colleagues in real life, and played the internal ‘guess their height’ game as we’ve met over zoom. I’ve hidden my mess behind the laptop camera, carefully curating their snapshot into my home.
My work and home life have collided as they have been forced to exist in the same small space. My interrupting children are a regular feature of my online meetings with their frequent requests, ‘is it screen time yet?’ or ‘can I have another snack?’
This year has tested me beyond my limit.
But in the testing I’ve been forced to dig down to the depths of my being, drawing on a strength and resilience I didn’t even know was there. I’ve learned to rely on God in new ways, trusting and seeing that He is my provider, He is faithful and He won’t let me down.
I miss the sea more than I ever thought possible, my safe place, where I can go to escape and be restored. It is the place I feel closest to the Creator. There has been no escape from this year but I have learned to stop, to slow down, to notice the changing seasons around me, meeting with the Creator in new ways.
I have learned that I can do more, and cope with more, than I ever thought possible, not in my own strength but by relying on the One who made me.
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